its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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