his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
