great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Randomize
