Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
