I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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