hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think my vagina is haunted
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
