i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
