i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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