READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
