I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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