ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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