apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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