Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
