walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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