awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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