It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
