Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
