life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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