so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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