I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
