hell yes lets make some ravioli
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
