Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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