I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
