every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
