: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
