I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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