Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
