i jhust puked up my retainher.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
