i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
