two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
