we're blogging at a bar
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
