So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
