I wish my penis had an off switch
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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