Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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