If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can you bring me the toilet please
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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