I hate your face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
