You just made me feel so damn special
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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