Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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