Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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