the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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