Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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