Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
