GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm having to shit out rocks
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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