He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Text me some of your sweat
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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