i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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