you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
