I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
