i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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