We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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