all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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