i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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