I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
